Lets face it English is a stupid
language.
There is no egg in the eggplant
No ham in the hamburger
And neither pine nor apple in the
pineapple.
English muffins were not invented
in England
French fries were not invented in
France.
We sometimes take English for
granted
But if we examine its paradoxes
we find that
Quicksand takes you down slowly
Boxing rings are square
And a guinea pig is neither from
Guinea nor is it a pig.
If writers write, how come fingers
don‘t fing.
If the plural of tooth is teeth
Shouldn‘t the plural of phone
booth be phone beeth
If the teacher taught,
Why didn‘t the preacher praught.
If a vegetarian eats vegetables
What the heck does a
humanitarian eat?
Why do people recite at a play
Yet play at a recital?
Park on driveways and
Drive on parkways
How can the weather be as hot as
hell on one day
And as cold as hell on another
You have to marvel at the unique
lunacy
Of a language where a house can
burn up as
It burns down
And in which you fill in a form
By filling it out
And a bell is only heard once it
goes!
English was invented by people,
not computers
And it reflects the creativity of the
human race
(Which of course isn‘t a race at all)
That is why
When the stars are out they are
visible
But when the lights are out they
are invisible
And why it is that when I wind up
my watch
It starts
But when I wind up this poem
It ends.
